March is well... March. The already dreadful Edmonton winter is clinging to the calendar with everything its got. Seriously, stuff should be thawing right now. Looking out my window, you can't tell the difference between now and Christmas, except maybe the lack of lights.
That having been said, I've really only been in this country two days so far this month, so my whining is rather hollow.
That's right folks, I just returned from an EPIC ADVENTURE in PALM SPRINGS, CA. Home of the hip replacement... and a yearly stopping point for my parents.
The reason that this trip was epic? I got to take my grandmother with me. That's right, me and granny are regular jet-setters now!
Before you continue reading what I consider the feeble attempt at sarcastic light-heartedness below, I would ask that you continue reading while keeping in mind that I had an amazing time. The trip is just what the doctor ordered. I am truly blessed with wonderful family who put up with my crap, and possibly even enjoy my company from time to time. Not many people my age have grandparents left, or even parents that are still young enough to amuse young whippersnappers such as myself. Granny and I have already had tentative discussions about going again next year.
I would say that this trip was quite the learning experience, right from the get-go Granny and I were doing all sorts of learning. Like the lesson in liquids that the Calgary airport security gave us... well... Granny actually. I like how the woman can go from Grandmother to cute little 80 year old lady in the drop of a hat.
I also got about a bazillion milligrams of vitamin C on my trip. See the pic? My parents had an orange tree, lemon tree, and grapefruit tree. I finally got to fulfill my dream of getting up in the morning and picking my breakfast off of a tree in my pajamas! Bucket list? Check. Should be between parasailing and pole dancing.
Back to the learning theme, I discovered that, contrary to popular belief, California is not entirely composed of pavement (though I think there may be a law in the works). We took a treacherous road up a gianormous hill/baby mountain, to get a stunning view of well... snow-capped mountains. Fucking snow.
Grandma taught me that looking at the camera when someone is taking a picture is merely a fad.
Meanwhile, I was teaching everyone who would look that wearing a sunhat makes one distinguished and fashionable. Needless to say it appears as though my wedding invitation is lost in the same mail as the Obamas'.
Then we went golfing. I am glad to see that the Canada Geese take the opportunity to shit on American golf courses as well. With the amounts deposited on some of the courses around Edmonton, I was starting to wonder if there were some form of customs regulations or environmental laws that required them to store the *ahem* shit, until they came back to this country. Sounds like something we'd do.
I got a putter made out of a clear piece of glass. Totally cool. T.J. got one made of rock. Not nearly as cool, but more manly.
There are five pools in the cone-bra shaped neighbourhood in which my parents are staying. I just had to throw that in there. We went swimming almost every night. I went swimming in the morning. By swimming I mean lounging in the hot tub lazily kicking my legs in the bubbles.
T.J. and I then braved the four-level highways in our kick-ass 2011 red mustang convertible, and drove to Hollywood. With the top down. Going 70 miles an hour. In 17 degree weather. Fucking tourists.
I went shopping. Then I went shopping again. Then there was one more store to peek into. I have a whole new wardrobe. I look like a good lawyer again. Seriously though, American clothing stores are in a whole 'nother dimension from the crap we are limited to here. Here you're either wearing something that matches your mother (no offense Ma) or you are in low-rida jeans with fake rips in them that are slowly cutting off circulation to the entire length of your legs.
Then we stayed at the Roosevelt Hotel on Hollywood Boulevard. Right across the street from the Chinese Theatre... Then the hilarity ensued!
Yep, if there's one thing I can do well is leave these blogs with cliff-hangers. Tune in next time (hopefully before next month, but as I am a lawyer now, I make no promises) to hear about my epic battle with a T-Rex, T.J.'s amazing feats of driving genious, our love affair with Vodka, our cart ride through the Vancouver airport, and the great, warm feelings we had when arriving home to see that if anything, the snow drifts got bigger in our absence!
Adieu!
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